The Saddest Thing

The saddest thing (at least to me) Is when no one is there to see. You were happy - brushed your teeth Excited for a shortened week. He wasn't anywhere around, No trigger warning could be found, But then...

It happens; you turn off your phone, And then your mind changes its tone. You shake it off, turn down the lights Convince yourself it's just the night Re-opening your biggest fear: Flashbacks of losing someone near.

Just you alone, with yourself Is when you think of someone else. And you don't even notice it, You're somewhere else - deliberate. "What's that?" You feel the slightest warmth Against your nose it marches forth You hold a finger where it lands, Shocked, you look down at your hands.

Without a sighting, text or call You somehow still happened to fall Or did you ever really repair...? The sweatshirt - it's still laying there. You did your laundry all last week Stared at it laying by your feet Untouched from when he gave it back, (He only did it 'cause you asked). You left it laying where it sat...why?

With no one there to see your pain Your heart still pushed it out like rain. In confusion as you stare, You wonder if he's somehow there, That connection was so strong... No, it wasn't - stop! You're wrong! If it were real, he would be there, Beside you though, there's only air. You tell yourself you will be fine, And pour 2, 3... well, several wines. Just to maybe bring you sleep, And keep you from showing the weak That you expelled on accident, Pissed, you slowly think 'oh shit'.

It doesn't matter that you tried, Blocked his accounts, Pretend he died, Convinced yourself you hate that man Read all the mantras you could stand. Swiping through the sea of guys You're confident - you're on the rise! But none of them have his same nose, Or smile lines, or brow furrows...

You made it through, The days went by You didn't even want to cry! But here's the thing, The real surprise Is thinking you made out alive. ----------- It happens when you're all alone Your confidence, quietly thrown, And when there's no one there to see, that feeling you just cant release: From your eyes your soul still aches. For him, you know, your heart still breaks.